‘Blesser-blessee’ relations condemned at dialogue

01 July 2016

 

Iget really angry when I hear the term blesser-blessee because only God can bless one,” well-known radio and TV personality Penny Lebyane said during a discussion on the controversy surrounding the dating of young women by old men, usually with deep pockets.

 

Lebyane was speaking in Braamfontein this week during a dialogue session facilitated by the Johannesburg Metropolitan Police Department (JMPD) on a subject that has been raging on social media for several weeks now.

“The issue of old, usually married, men dating young women is not a new phenomenon, nor does it affect only poor young women,” Lebyane, 39, said as she opened the dialogue.

“The good thing about this blesser and blessee dialogue presently is that it is now being publicly discussed thanks to the social media.”

Lebyane said as a young woman entering the industry she was attempted to accept favours from her senior male colleagues, she said the blesser-blessee practice perpetuated the spread of diseases such as HIV-Aids because power relations were in favour of the man.

“If he does not want to use a condom, for example, the woman has no power to resist because he ‘blesses’ her,” Lebyane said.

“What we need to do is to educate young women to respect themselves and seek assistance from social institutions. We must also educate men – young and old – to treat women with respect and not to take advantage of their poverty.”

Abubakar Sebeela of the Sonke Gender Justice Network said structural problems such as poverty, portrayal of women as objects and power imbalance in an affair between an older man and a young woman played a role in the exploitation of poor women.

“These problems leave poor, young women with no choice but to put themselves at the mercy of men with money. Using women as drug pushers and prostitutes is another facet of this blesser-blessee phenomenon.”

Sebeela agreed with Lebyane that young women should be educated to value themselves.

“Loving and respecting oneself will go a long way in building confidence in women to resist falling prey to the so-called blessers,” Sebeela said.

Ndaedzo Nethonzhe, a journalist-cum-motivational speaker, urged women to treat themselves as “exclusive assets”.

“Don’t sacrifice yourself. Look for your own gift and create your own solutions. Depend on that talent to create a better life for yourself. It is important to realise that one can’t always get what one desires,” Nethonzhe said.